I posted a few months ago how I am having relationship issues with my sister. Well, it’s more like there’s no relationship. I was holding out for the last shred of evidence that she has any love, compassion or just friendliness towards me because my birthday was last week. And you know, you get the Happy Birthday texts from family and friends. Heck, even Facebook people are sending birthday wishes. So I received a greeting from everyone, even Sue, whom I supposedly treated unfairly while she lived with me, but nothing from Pam. My sister has shown her true colors. Black, red, puke green, whatever she is feeling. I received nothing.
Mind you, her birthday was in January. I debated whether to send her wishes after the nasty text I received from her last spring. But I did. I sent one. I am not feeling malicious in any way towards her. I take the high road. Not because I think that I am the better person, it’s just my morals and thinking why not. I am still her sister.
So when my birthday arrived, I did wonder if she would text me. I am not surprised that she didn’t. I am not hurt or upset. Maybe a little in disbelief that I didn’t know that I was such a horrible person to her. So now it is cemented in my mind exactly where I stand.
I don’t know about you, but haven’t you reached a point in your life where you kinda are done with other peoples bullshit. I mean, there is some you have to tolerate in small doses. But anyone, whether a spouse, an employer a friend or family member, when it is repeatedly…it gets to be enough. With this birthday rejection, it solidifies she has cut me out and I am doing the same in return.
Why can’t this be us?! I don’t mind being Rosemary Clooney.👍
Understandably, when someone feels hurt or disrespected, they lash out in anger. I believe this is where my sister as at. What I see is that she likes to be in charge. She is also on the respect and toxic people kick. She obviously views me as one because yes, I’ve been doing my own self work. And I see right through her. Through the years, she has sent texts of her opinions or ways she would like something taken are of. When I have disagreed or didn’t live up to what she wanted me to do, the hurtful comments and the names were thrown at me. I have the receipts.
Heck, years ago we had a big blowout over a hamster…a hamster that my daughter and her daughter were talking about. I never consented and was not involved. She tried to coax me nicely at first when to get said hamster. When I told her no, well now here comes the personal attack(this was over 10 years ago). Mostly how I am selfish, have no integrity. Um, I never said that I was agreeing to Sarah having a hamster let alone carting it around my car for hours until I got back home.
I don’t really want to keep receipts but it is clear evidence to whenever my parents decide to listen to a side other than hers. They know we aren’t getting along but not in any details. And when they, especially my mom, defends her behavior, “oh, she is having a hard time”. No, you can’t make excuses for her. You are enabling her behavior and her unhealthy choices. And my dad, I think his head is in the sand. For the past few Sundays he’s been texting to our group chat some though provoking questions. Last week was about morals. Pam had a lot to say. I decided not to respond at all knowing whatever I said would be scrutinized and would just add fuel to her burning anger.
At some point in the future if she ever has a conversation with me, not a bashing, or playing victim or blaming but an actual open dialog of true feelings and thoughts, I will be open to having that. I’m not an asshole. I’m sure with her addictions and whatever is going on in her mind is what is escalating her emotions and I am easily the punchingbag.
I stopped being a punchingbag for Wasband years ago and I will not be it for anyone else, ever again. Recovering from abuse puts me in high alert, and when I have those triggers, the fight or flight mode kicks in. And being attacked by her verbally, puts me right there again. Feeling I need to fight no longer serves me. I take flight for my peace and own well being. I don’t need to call her out anymore, I’ll just let her be.
