What am I doing? I am just wasting so much time. I don’t have a designated time to get up so I lay in bed for hours in the morning reading all the crap that is going on in the world. I’ve never been so in touch with what is going on outside my bubble than ever before. Wasband and I used to follow some politics back in the day and I never wanted to go thru that again…getting angry, feeling helpless but here I am. Why?! Because I have nothing better to do.
Back in March when I’m laying on the beach in Florida, my boss sends me a text saying “no work until further notice”. That was Monday, March 16. It is now august. I work one day a week….mainly because I’m claustrophobic and the mask is difficult(however, I am fully against masks regardless) and we are only open to 50% capacity. So what is that…5 months…21 weeks now not really working.
I hated lockdown at the beginning. I’m a worker…usually 2 jobs since I was a teenager. It was hard getting used to staying in; no work, only going to the grocery store maybe once a week. Then you get used to it: more family time, games, puzzles, reading and I worked out a few times a week. Then reopening started late spring…weather is better, go hiking, get out and socialize a bit. Work opened and I had a panic attack/meltdown wearing the mask trying to talk to customers within the first hour of my first day back. And right in front of my manager. So no more work for a few weeks until I can try to get used to wearing the mask. Now, like I said, I’m at work one day week.
So here we are August: I have no purpose or motivation to do anything on a daily basis. I am getting lazy. Barely read books, exercise maybe once a week and I haven’t blogged in a very long time. I have no excuse other than pure laziness. Never been this person. Always worked, had motivation to get out there, get going, get moving. I had some kind of purpose other than raising my children and that I’m getting in the doldrums cuz it’s everyday cooking…tidying…laundry. UGH!! I know I have 6 kids but I am not the domesticated type. GO FIGURE! I am lacking any effort to accomplish the simplest tasks. It’s taking me three days to cleanup after our yearly summer/graduation party…3 DAYS!
I don’t have much to look forward to. I’m hiking tomorrow with a friend; which is Thursday and then work Monday. Not that I need big events or extravagant plans but nothing…not really anything to get excited about. Daily grind of boredom.
I’ll spend hours online researching politics, Covid, pedophiles and conspiracies which only gets me riled up and that certainly passes the time. But it’s not constructive time. Not physical, get my ass off the couch time. I’m more informed yes, but I’d certainly trade it for what I used to do.
Although, during this whole lockdown, quarantine, pause, whatever BS name you call it, my priorities have shifted slightly. I love to work but there are other avenues to explore…such as volunteer work. But now is not the time for that, especially with all the masks and people being afraid. I am searching for something meaningful. A purposeful life of value and joy. Not one that’s humdrum, monotonous and well…pretty lame.
