My ex-husband, Wasband is what I call him, and I have been apart for 10 years, 7 1/2 divorced. At the time during our marriage, in the midst of all the crap, his laziness, his demands, his dictatorship, he had taught to my children, who the eldest was around 10 so my youngest was 2 and too young to repeat and understand this very simple question and the idiotic answer. I remember very vividly the 3 eldest sitting on the floor in the living room playing as Wasband was watching TV while I am slinging laundry baskets and changing diapers, he had the nerve to say to the kids, ” Do you know what the number #1 rule is kids? Stay single and don’t get married!” Oh he got a big laugh and didn’t take long for the kids to learn and repeat this ultimately stupid saying. He was teaching them to be disrespectful to me and that it was okay to mock me and marriage
Well, within two-three years after this statement made its way into our home, he became very sick and shortly after that we divorced. Now I did not get divorced because he was ill and now disabled; in fact that made it harder at first… through sickness and in health…but like that disrespectful statement there were many other circumstances that were way worse, abusive but I will entertain that topic another time.
And once my kids and I were free of his clutches, we would once and a while laugh at how ridiculous Wasband’s statement was. I’m, the kids wouldn’t be here stupid if you would have lived by that.
So the other night Wasband calls my phone to talk to the kids which is court ordered and he forgets 95% of the time. But anyway, gets on the phone with my youngest who is now 14. My son comes to me and says how he can’t believe how much he talked on the phone and his dad asked questions about his life and school and then asked him, “What’s the number #1 rule?!”… Really?!!! After all this time you are still talking that smack, on my phone to the kids I raise all on my own, who you see for 6 hours a month, you’re going talk shit!! Well I lost it! And I know, I hear you saying things like “that’s the past, get over it, be the bigger person, move on, etc…” Oh I’ve moved on but those stupid little things that he has to zing to me or the kids infuriates me. Like who in the hell do you think you are; especially saying that nonsense to my kids. Um, if you had stayed single then you wouldn’t have your kids, stupid! And when he called me one Sunday morning and told me I know you have a boyfriend and he better not touch my kids…um, just calls randomly to harass me. He knows nothing about my life, I have little to no communication with him because everytime is some kind of verbal intimidation or name calling, on his part, all on his part. I was in a relationship with him for 25+ years good and bad and when you are with someone that long things become ingrained. So when you are or have been in an abusive, toxic, horrible relationship, it stays with you, it becomes part of you. And yes, you suffer from a type of post traumatic stress because it brings you right back; back to all those feelings that you have that you wish would just go away. And I try, oh I try but I suppressed so much anger and resentment during our marriage…because what I said or thought was irrelevant, he was the man…that I am still recovering years after.
And know what the funny thing is, after being in that misery and escaping…I am living the motto: Stay Single and Don’t Get Married…Again
